Although I sometimes get off topic, those of you who are loyal readers of my blog may notice a few running themes.
A)Naturally, the entire blog is suppose to capture the thrilling adventure of living in New York as opposed to my mundane life in Georgia.
B) My tone is elitist on purpose.
C) I have a self-deprecating sense of humor.
D) I often talk about wanting to fall in love.
Originally, my idea for this blogpost was to defend how my pinterest board entitled "My Dream Wedding" is not crazy and actually a really fun way to figure out what your personal style is (I've coined the term Urban Rustic to describe myself). However, after spending a productive morning at work looking for apartments on craigslist, I thought to myself, "How can I marry (haha) my running themes of elitism and relationships together and not make fun of myself?"
What better way to do this than to make fun of other people and their quests for love? So, I decided to make a list of some of my favorite craigslist missed connections from both NYC AND Augusta. After reading these, I think everyone can agree that my pretend wedding planning isn't so crazy after all. In fact, I'm pretty much a catch.
Here goes the best of the best in NYC:
1) Richard Daine MD Funeral - m4w - 45
Post reads:
"We saw each other at the Health Commissioner's funeral
Let's have some coffee together to celebrate
Our Survival"
2) Brian Miller MD Funeral - m4w - 45
"We saw each other at the ophthalmologist's funeral
Would love to speak to you"
...Seriously?! What serial killer is murdering doctors for dates
3) cigarette girl - trader joes (23rd & 6th) - m4w
"you asked for a light outside, not sure if you wanted to talk or was just looking for a lighter"
...pretty sure if she didn't continue talking...she was just looking for a lighter.
4) Lady at Babylon Neurologist today - m4w
We spoke in the waiting room. I spoke to your friend when you went in. Your insurance did not pre approve your tests. Oddly enough my appointment got messed up too and I have to go back.
...Pretty strong argument against Obamacare.
5) Q45 bus thursday 7pm you were in a red motorused wheel chair - m4w - 20
...okay, this title speaks for itself but feel free to click the link if you want to hear about this "beautiful bigger girls wearing a blue shirt and black stretch pants"
Let's see what the New York ladies are up to:
1) Centry 21 (friday 25th may) - w4m - 22
"I was walking in between the two entrances from clothing back to shoes, You were sitting in the back of a van. right by the crossing."
....He sounds totally normal. Good ol' sitting in the back of a van guy.
2) cute latino excersising - w4m - 24
"You was the cute latino dress in a black shirt black shorts with yellow stripes doing excersise in the italian park on 188 and arthur avenue ima transexual msg me if your intrested tell me what you had on your ear lol"
...because exercise is such a tough word to spell. I bet he had earphones on his ears.
3) you rolled with unbleached joint paper. - w4m - 20
Once again, pretty self-explanatory. My only question is...why would you want to smoke bleach?
4) Rick(?) from the reunion at the Fan Cave - w4m - 23
"We met tonight at the NYU alumni toast at the Fan Cave (I'm Margo) - we chatted about the Venus transit, how awesome 2011 graduates are, and the empire state building. I thought you were really cute, but had to leave early. if you see this, you should definitely contact me - from our brief conversation, you seen like a great guy."
...Can't beat Margo and her thrilling conversations. Maybe next she'll explain the importance of using double-sided tape! (I love you, Terra)
5) Why have you not tried to see me?? - w4m - 27
"Its been several months..you havent called, you havent txted, you see to have forgotten about me completely. You moved away and didn't say good bye. We had plans, I told you I was falling for you....I think about you everyday, you are the sexiest person I've ever encountered. I hate you"
...Anyone want to take a crack at why he ran away?
Augusta:
1) Changed your tire - m4w
I helped you change your tire in the parking lot of Walmart on Bobby Jones. You didnt know it, but I saw you as I was coming out of WM and you were going in. I was too shy to say anything then, so I decided to slash your front tire of your car, then wait for you to come back out. That's when I came by and helped you? Remember me? Anyways, in the midst of all the excitement I forgot to ask for your number. Hope to hear from you!
...Jesus.
2) Farmington Freak - m4w - 45
"I've seen you give me the look as you pass by. The look says bend me over and wear me out. Those store bought boobs are spectacular and I would love to see them. You are a red head and reside in the neighborhood."
...self-appointed neighborhood watch
A running theme in Augusta...Kroger hook ups:
3) Kroger Washington Rd - m4w
"Sat afternoon you paid for my item and before I realized what you had done you were gone"
...the grocery store phantom
4) Krogers/ Washington rd. - m4w - 38
"I told you that you looked beautiful today; I kinda follewed you because I could not get over how great you looked and how much I would like to get to know you alot better! You seem to be a wee bit older than me, But I like that thought, I know this is a long shot, But ya just never know! I am the really handsom young looking guy in the frzen food section. So if you would like to maybe hang out sometime or just take it slow, let me know... Im yours... tell me what you were wearing."
...the grocery store stalker that "kinda" lerks around the frozen food
5) krogers sunday around 5....pink tanktop.. - m4w - 40
You were wearing a pink tanktop walking with a young child around 5:00 sunday evening...i was walking down the isle and you took a second look at me! ...i would like to get to know you !!!!
...THE GUY WHO IS REALLY EXCITED TO BE GROCERY SHOPPING!!!
Ladies:
1) Monday PM in Wal-Mart parking lot - w4m - 50
"Monday afternoon around 4 pm I was in the Wal-Mart parking lot off Deans Bridge Rd. putting groceries in the back of my red trailblazer. You drove by and stopped, then asked if I was married. I told you yes but.."
...but marriage doesn't count if you're at a wal-mart in a different area code?
2) FoodLion in Gtown - w4m - 31
"You let me get in front of you at the register that just opened."
...this kind of chivalry just doesn't exist anymore.
3) ihop late dinner. yumm - w4m - 21
"You were sitting with a colored guy in a white shirt and white hat. You were im red with a green bracelet, which is good for me cause i love Christmas. I liked the slow s!ensual way you drank your water. Delicious"
...this catch has a knack for describing things using colors, pancakes, and Christmas!
4) Car Trouble - w4m - 36
I've noticed you before outside with the children as I was driving by with mine. I've always found you attractive, but even more so in your camo this morning while working on your truck. I'd love to talk and get to know each other!!!
...she thinks my tractor's sexyyyyyyyy
5) We meet at bike week in SC - w4m
We had a brief encounter Wednesday night during bike week. I did not believe you were named after a bike! The kiss was amazing!!! Would love to chat again.
...Was his name Penny Farthing?
Okay, so after doing this, here are my tips on where to find your soul mate:
New York love connections often involve funerals, the subway, or coffee.
People in Georgia more so like to meet people through motor vehicle bonding, grocery stores, and Wal-Mart parking lots.
I hope this helps. I have a TON of pretend wedding ideas I'd be happy to share.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind. -Albert Einstein
After having spent the last two years in the art world, I suppose there is some truth to this statement. Most of the artists I've met, studied, befriended, or appreciated have been a bit reclusive.
The ability to be comfortable in solitude is a quality I have really grown to respect. Those who can sit around for hours drawing or writing and don't need to utilize the mental escapisms of television or wine are fascinating. The high-brow creative thinker, the person who wants to constantly be learning and knows the most important part of life is to be confident in who you are, the person who enjoys hanging out with number one... that is who I'd like to be.
2 problems:
1) I'm co-dependent
2) I'm obsessed with social media
I blame being a twin. I blame my generation. I blame being flat out lethargic. But if someone doesn't like my facebook posts or doesn't want to grab a drink after work or doesn't want to watch Dance Moms with me...I get a little nervous. With all this time spent worrying for no reason, sometimes my hobbies are hard to maintain (much less being creative). Luckily, the brains behind social media have created ways for me to indulge my creative interests while still getting my yayas out! Incomes...INSTAGRAM!
For those of you who aren't familiar with this, instagram is simply a way of making the pictures you shamelessly post to facebook look cooler. I, myself, am a shameless instagramer. Anyone who has had a conversation with me in the past month knows I bring it up...often. So in light of my new obsession, I decided to post some of my instagrams so everyone knows...I'm a lot more awesome when painted in a false light:)
Here's what I've been up to via different digital filters (quotes added for effect). Enjoy!
“This is New York and there's no law against being annoying” -William Kunstler
"Food should be fun." -Thomas Keller
"A good painting to me has always been like a friend. It keeps me company, comforts and inspires."-Hedy Lammar
"Be open to the amazing changes which are occurring in the field that interest you."- Leigh Steinberg #Dell Computer #PhillipsdePury
"If you're gonna fall apart, do it in your own bedroom."- Margot Kidder
"Architecture is a visual art, and the buildings speak for themselves"- Julia Morgan.
"I'm the star of the show. I should have a decent haircut."-David James Elliot
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
“Just because I was out at bars all the time didn't mean I wasn't looking for someone to love." -Robert Mapplethorpe
I often get asked what I look for in the perfect bar.
I don't know why I get asked this. It could be because I used to be a bartender. It could be because I still fantasize about opening a bar in the Caribbean and spending the rest of my life serving rum runners to fat tourists all day. Or maybe it was because I managed to acquire a fake i.d. very early in life so instead of ever experiencing "house party" culture, I became a bar connoisseur. Regardless, I still find bars to be a cathartic experience full of suppressed emotions, sexual tension, and (of course) assholes.
Moving on...
After many years, many dollars, many fights, many regretful moments, and many laughs, I have finally figured out what I look for in a bar and the answer is...
A place where I can cry.
I'm not saying I cry in bars (I'm also not saying I haven't). However, I do like the idea of knowing a place where I could go in the middle of the day, order a beer, and sit there and bawl. I consistently want to have the option of blowing my nose in a cocktail napkin and telling a stranger my life story. That is how Ms. Kristin Drawdy defines the perfect bar. If they happen to have karaoke once a week, that's just an added bonus.
Since I consider myself the arbiter of bar quality, below is a list of my ten favorite bars in NYC for those of you that enjoy PBR and well whiskey as much as I do.
1) DOC HOLLIDAY'S
Since Doc's is so fabulous to not have a website (although they do have a myspace), I found my own image of Ali and me hugging it out one winter evening.
I discovered Doc's with my sister after brunch right after I moved here and have continued to return simply because it makes me feel at home. It's a Georgia girl's dream come true: Buckhunter, 5 dollar all you can drink Bud Light specials, dancing on the bar, and a jukebox full of old school country music and southern rock. Warning: you will remember coming here but may not remember leaving.
2) Iggy's Keltic Lounge
Rose and I discoverd Iggy's after brunch in the Lower East Side. We also discovered Pirate Mike, the best bartender in NYC! It's a pretty classy joint with skull and cross bone flags, a bar adorned with pitchers of pretzels, Buckhunter, old school punk rock, and $5 PBR whiskey specials. 2 hints: every 3rd drink is usually on the house and if you ask Mike (and you're cute) you may get credits for the jukebox!
3) Iron Horse
Iron Horse is not a one drink kind of place. Nor is it a place one should be attending regularly. On a happy note, you will feel guilty about how much fun you have here. If you are sick of looking at beautiful people and acting sophisticated, I would suggest this place. Upon arriving, chances are a rotund girl will be pouring liquor into the mouth of a man who closely resembles a middle american truck driver. My suggestions: try out the hula hoops, swing, and don't be scared if the bar gets set on fire.
4) Johnny's Bar
Not the easiest place to find (or fit into) but once you do it's amazing. I consider it to be the West Village's version of Doc Holliday's. There are $3 Coors drafts, a crowd that looks like it probably has been sitting on the same bar stool for the past 20 years, and magnetic chess boards if you're feeling noble. Although the entire bar is about the size of a closet, it a refreshing break from the rest of the pretentious (and expensive) wine bars surrounding it.
5) Billymark's West
Even though I've been coming here since before I lived in New York, sadly, I could not find a picture of me in this place. I don't know what to say about it. Located on the corner of 9th avenue and the projects, it is the most un-amazingly amazing bar I've ever been to. It is owned by 2 brothers, Billy and Mark (hence the name), who alternate weeks of working. Several things you should know: I suspect top shelf liquor is filled with cheaper bottles so don't be surprised if your whiskey tastes like scotch...or tequila....or water...or Rohypnol.
6) 7B (Horseshoe Bar)
Although it may be difficult to figure out what the name actually is, the location is in the name! I can't place my finger on about what I actually like about this place but it has enough neon bar signs inside to get rid of any seasonal affective disorder and Bass beer (for reasons unknown) is always on special for $4 a pint. I won't even begin to discuss the beauty behind the arched doorways and common brick bonds.
7) Cha Cha's on Coney Island
We all know Coney Island is full of lookers. And by lookers I mean mullets, speedos, tribal tattoos, love handles, those weirdos who don't bend the bills of their hats and wear jeans and white sneakers on the beach, and Vietnamese trash pickers. Cha cha's (located right on the boardwalk) is THE best place for people watching. I cannot tell you how much it boosted my self-esteem coming here. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure all of the regulars are remnants of the early 80's Ramones punk rock era. You can see bands play with vulgar names while watching people who are just as vulgar. BONUS: If you are hungry, it's right next to Nathan's Hot Dogs!!
8) 169 bar
I have spent the majority of my life living alone so not that many people have had the opportunity to go apartment hunting with me. I usually don't care about space...or lighting...or mice...or windows. There are 2 things I really look for in an apartment though, exposed brick and a local bar I can stop off at for a night cap. Often, I forego the former. In Savannah, I had Hangfire. In the Upper East Side, I had Becky's. In FiDi, I had Iron Horse (see above). Now in the lovely LES, I have 169 Bar. Enjoy $2 Tecates, bartenders with PHD's, pickle juice martinis, fake palm trees, and a random stage with a single random gogo dancer. Warning: most of the people here are old school LES so don't be surprised if you hear them toasting to "the way the lower east side use to be" or judge you if you don't like within a 15 second walk from the bar.
9) Dorrian's Red Hand
I have no idea why I like this place because it is actually kind of terrible. Somehow, the only single guys in the Upper East Side have discovered this place, made it their own, and made it their mission to find future finance wives here every Friday night. Tactics such as "Can I buy you a drink?" when you already have a full drink and "Are your glasses real?" are often utilized to start awkward conversations that inevitably lead to me taking a $20 cab ride back to my apartment...alone. On the plus side, the bartenders always seem to think they recognize you and subsequently will buy you a round AND it's one of the only places I know where you can get a meal, have a casual drink, or go cut a rug in the back. They also make a mean wine spritzer (sarcasm, I have never had a wine spritzer in my life).
10) Subway Inn
Finally we have the ever so classy SUBWAY INN. It is pretty easy to find considering it is right across from the 59th Street/Lexington subway stop. It also happens to be the only dive bar located in that particular area. There are hexagon tiles in the bathroom along with prostitutes, terrifying looking bartenders, and beer towers. I like to pretend Truman Capote had this place in mind when he wrote Breakfast at Tiffany's. Regardless, I have fallen in love here, gotten in arguments here, seen a swat team raid Bloomingdales here, convinced my brother he's not dating a porn star here, had fun here, and most importantly cried! (In a good way, not bad way).
And there you have my list of entertaining bars in the island of Manhattan. Since this is my first post in about a year, I thought it would be interesting (for myself mostly) to record a week in the life of Kristin to catch everyone up on what I've been up to. Stay tuned...it's sure to be a wild ride!
I don't know why I get asked this. It could be because I used to be a bartender. It could be because I still fantasize about opening a bar in the Caribbean and spending the rest of my life serving rum runners to fat tourists all day. Or maybe it was because I managed to acquire a fake i.d. very early in life so instead of ever experiencing "house party" culture, I became a bar connoisseur. Regardless, I still find bars to be a cathartic experience full of suppressed emotions, sexual tension, and (of course) assholes.
Moving on...
After many years, many dollars, many fights, many regretful moments, and many laughs, I have finally figured out what I look for in a bar and the answer is...
A place where I can cry.
I'm not saying I cry in bars (I'm also not saying I haven't). However, I do like the idea of knowing a place where I could go in the middle of the day, order a beer, and sit there and bawl. I consistently want to have the option of blowing my nose in a cocktail napkin and telling a stranger my life story. That is how Ms. Kristin Drawdy defines the perfect bar. If they happen to have karaoke once a week, that's just an added bonus.
Since I consider myself the arbiter of bar quality, below is a list of my ten favorite bars in NYC for those of you that enjoy PBR and well whiskey as much as I do.
1) DOC HOLLIDAY'S
Since Doc's is so fabulous to not have a website (although they do have a myspace), I found my own image of Ali and me hugging it out one winter evening.
I discovered Doc's with my sister after brunch right after I moved here and have continued to return simply because it makes me feel at home. It's a Georgia girl's dream come true: Buckhunter, 5 dollar all you can drink Bud Light specials, dancing on the bar, and a jukebox full of old school country music and southern rock. Warning: you will remember coming here but may not remember leaving.
2) Iggy's Keltic Lounge
Rose and I discoverd Iggy's after brunch in the Lower East Side. We also discovered Pirate Mike, the best bartender in NYC! It's a pretty classy joint with skull and cross bone flags, a bar adorned with pitchers of pretzels, Buckhunter, old school punk rock, and $5 PBR whiskey specials. 2 hints: every 3rd drink is usually on the house and if you ask Mike (and you're cute) you may get credits for the jukebox!
3) Iron Horse
Iron Horse is not a one drink kind of place. Nor is it a place one should be attending regularly. On a happy note, you will feel guilty about how much fun you have here. If you are sick of looking at beautiful people and acting sophisticated, I would suggest this place. Upon arriving, chances are a rotund girl will be pouring liquor into the mouth of a man who closely resembles a middle american truck driver. My suggestions: try out the hula hoops, swing, and don't be scared if the bar gets set on fire.
4) Johnny's Bar
Not the easiest place to find (or fit into) but once you do it's amazing. I consider it to be the West Village's version of Doc Holliday's. There are $3 Coors drafts, a crowd that looks like it probably has been sitting on the same bar stool for the past 20 years, and magnetic chess boards if you're feeling noble. Although the entire bar is about the size of a closet, it a refreshing break from the rest of the pretentious (and expensive) wine bars surrounding it.
5) Billymark's West
Even though I've been coming here since before I lived in New York, sadly, I could not find a picture of me in this place. I don't know what to say about it. Located on the corner of 9th avenue and the projects, it is the most un-amazingly amazing bar I've ever been to. It is owned by 2 brothers, Billy and Mark (hence the name), who alternate weeks of working. Several things you should know: I suspect top shelf liquor is filled with cheaper bottles so don't be surprised if your whiskey tastes like scotch...or tequila....or water...or Rohypnol.
6) 7B (Horseshoe Bar)
Although it may be difficult to figure out what the name actually is, the location is in the name! I can't place my finger on about what I actually like about this place but it has enough neon bar signs inside to get rid of any seasonal affective disorder and Bass beer (for reasons unknown) is always on special for $4 a pint. I won't even begin to discuss the beauty behind the arched doorways and common brick bonds.
7) Cha Cha's on Coney Island
We all know Coney Island is full of lookers. And by lookers I mean mullets, speedos, tribal tattoos, love handles, those weirdos who don't bend the bills of their hats and wear jeans and white sneakers on the beach, and Vietnamese trash pickers. Cha cha's (located right on the boardwalk) is THE best place for people watching. I cannot tell you how much it boosted my self-esteem coming here. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure all of the regulars are remnants of the early 80's Ramones punk rock era. You can see bands play with vulgar names while watching people who are just as vulgar. BONUS: If you are hungry, it's right next to Nathan's Hot Dogs!!
8) 169 bar
I have spent the majority of my life living alone so not that many people have had the opportunity to go apartment hunting with me. I usually don't care about space...or lighting...or mice...or windows. There are 2 things I really look for in an apartment though, exposed brick and a local bar I can stop off at for a night cap. Often, I forego the former. In Savannah, I had Hangfire. In the Upper East Side, I had Becky's. In FiDi, I had Iron Horse (see above). Now in the lovely LES, I have 169 Bar. Enjoy $2 Tecates, bartenders with PHD's, pickle juice martinis, fake palm trees, and a random stage with a single random gogo dancer. Warning: most of the people here are old school LES so don't be surprised if you hear them toasting to "the way the lower east side use to be" or judge you if you don't like within a 15 second walk from the bar.
9) Dorrian's Red Hand
(Featured in picture is Elizabeth, Dorrian's mayor on Foursquare)
I have no idea why I like this place because it is actually kind of terrible. Somehow, the only single guys in the Upper East Side have discovered this place, made it their own, and made it their mission to find future finance wives here every Friday night. Tactics such as "Can I buy you a drink?" when you already have a full drink and "Are your glasses real?" are often utilized to start awkward conversations that inevitably lead to me taking a $20 cab ride back to my apartment...alone. On the plus side, the bartenders always seem to think they recognize you and subsequently will buy you a round AND it's one of the only places I know where you can get a meal, have a casual drink, or go cut a rug in the back. They also make a mean wine spritzer (sarcasm, I have never had a wine spritzer in my life).
10) Subway Inn
Finally we have the ever so classy SUBWAY INN. It is pretty easy to find considering it is right across from the 59th Street/Lexington subway stop. It also happens to be the only dive bar located in that particular area. There are hexagon tiles in the bathroom along with prostitutes, terrifying looking bartenders, and beer towers. I like to pretend Truman Capote had this place in mind when he wrote Breakfast at Tiffany's. Regardless, I have fallen in love here, gotten in arguments here, seen a swat team raid Bloomingdales here, convinced my brother he's not dating a porn star here, had fun here, and most importantly cried! (In a good way, not bad way).
And there you have my list of entertaining bars in the island of Manhattan. Since this is my first post in about a year, I thought it would be interesting (for myself mostly) to record a week in the life of Kristin to catch everyone up on what I've been up to. Stay tuned...it's sure to be a wild ride!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” -Woody Allen
I've always said you go to Paris to fall in love and New York to fall in hate. But (although I hate to admit it) I moved here to find the former.
Maybe I've seen one too many Sex and the City episodes (also embarrassing to admit) or maybe I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's too many times (never embarrassing to admit) or maybe it's that I'm from Georgia and I should be married with 5 children and living in a trailer in Stapleton by now but one thing is certain...I've been on the prowl for the last year and a half.
It was cute when I first moved here. I would pretend plan my first New York date with a pretend Betsey Johnson dress and a pretend boat ride in Central Park with pretend bottles of Vueve Cliquot. However, as fate would have it, I believe my first date here involved Jameson shots at a shitty bar near Astor Place and karaoking Garth Brooks.
That being said, I am a bright girl and realize guys (for the most part) don't like to do bullshit like eat at chocolate bars and to go ride carousels. Therefore, in order for me to live my dream of having cutesy days doing stereotypical romantic things around New York I've come up with the best idea ever....GIRL DATES!!
Although I am not bisexual, my friends and sporadic visits from my sister give me the chance to live out my fairy tale fantasies without having to worry about awkward conversations, washing my hair or most importantly awkward-er mornings. Here is one of my quintessential Saturday dates with none other than the infamously relationship-challenged Ali Warth! (I'm totally joking. She's fantastic.)
First we start off with....
BRUNCH! If you have not read on WebMD or on any of the bar signs around New York that day drinking is both healthy and classy, then you, my friend, are in for a long and miserable life. Because Ali lives in the Upper East Side (note: I did not say Spanish Harlem) and I live in the Lower East Side (Note: I did not say the heart of China town) we usually meet in Midtown (Note: I did not say Hell) for brunch. Although Midtown is inherently awful, we still have one hell of a time.
Next, on to explore a different borough! We are both Manhattan snobs but decided this particular Sunday was a day for Queens so on to the R train and Museum of the Moving Image! Here are some pictures of us playing with exciting interactive toys like trash mirrors and other things I don't understand because they're too technical!
Suddenly, we stumble upon some sort of gimicky Egyptian Tomb Fun House which we have deemed the scariest thing we've discovered in New York City apart from the bathroom's at BillyMark's West!
Note: I look skinny here.
Note: Ali looks a little too happy to be seeing a dead body.
Note: One of these things is not like the other.
And for the real reason we came here. The Jim Henson exhibition. And if you take one bit of advice from the blogging of a very wise almost 25 year old, It's not easy being peach.
After this we head to the Astoria Beer Garden. Alas, I do not have any pictures to capture the trials and tribulations we faced on our walk through Astoria. However, I can try to convey our tale through words:
We ate perogis and drank a pitcher of beer. Ali smoked cigarettes and I left my debit card.
Next, Back to Manhattan for the 10th anniversary at Johnny Utah's in Midtown with April and Meret. Why were we here? I have no idea. Why we stayed? Mechanical Bull.
Oh, and there was swag to go around. Jagermeister Ray Bans and Heineken Headphones? YES PLEASE!
To top the night off, I got a standing ovation after karaoking Gin and Juice at Stout. Subsequently, I decided it was time to go home and not return to midtown for several months. The brilliance of it all is that in the morning there is no cab ride, no walk of shame, and no regrets. All that remains is fond memories, perhaps a slight headache, and Ali persistently nagging for me to post about our day.
(To Ali: So there you have it, Miss. Warth. I finally got it posted. I had intentions of posting the pictures from our last all day date but I woke up too early and ran out of wit. Besides, this one beats drowning my purse and walking two miles to Rose's work in order to finger paint. Although, I'm still impressed with your Uncle Ben's knowledge. Next time, Red Lobster and the wax museum!)
Maybe I've seen one too many Sex and the City episodes (also embarrassing to admit) or maybe I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's too many times (never embarrassing to admit) or maybe it's that I'm from Georgia and I should be married with 5 children and living in a trailer in Stapleton by now but one thing is certain...I've been on the prowl for the last year and a half.
It was cute when I first moved here. I would pretend plan my first New York date with a pretend Betsey Johnson dress and a pretend boat ride in Central Park with pretend bottles of Vueve Cliquot. However, as fate would have it, I believe my first date here involved Jameson shots at a shitty bar near Astor Place and karaoking Garth Brooks.
That being said, I am a bright girl and realize guys (for the most part) don't like to do bullshit like eat at chocolate bars and to go ride carousels. Therefore, in order for me to live my dream of having cutesy days doing stereotypical romantic things around New York I've come up with the best idea ever....GIRL DATES!!
Although I am not bisexual, my friends and sporadic visits from my sister give me the chance to live out my fairy tale fantasies without having to worry about awkward conversations, washing my hair or most importantly awkward-er mornings. Here is one of my quintessential Saturday dates with none other than the infamously relationship-challenged Ali Warth! (I'm totally joking. She's fantastic.)
First we start off with....
Next, on to explore a different borough! We are both Manhattan snobs but decided this particular Sunday was a day for Queens so on to the R train and Museum of the Moving Image! Here are some pictures of us playing with exciting interactive toys like trash mirrors and other things I don't understand because they're too technical!
Suddenly, we stumble upon some sort of gimicky Egyptian Tomb Fun House which we have deemed the scariest thing we've discovered in New York City apart from the bathroom's at BillyMark's West!
Note: Ali looks a little too happy to be seeing a dead body.
Note: One of these things is not like the other.
And for the real reason we came here. The Jim Henson exhibition. And if you take one bit of advice from the blogging of a very wise almost 25 year old, It's not easy being peach.
After this we head to the Astoria Beer Garden. Alas, I do not have any pictures to capture the trials and tribulations we faced on our walk through Astoria. However, I can try to convey our tale through words:
We ate perogis and drank a pitcher of beer. Ali smoked cigarettes and I left my debit card.
Next, Back to Manhattan for the 10th anniversary at Johnny Utah's in Midtown with April and Meret. Why were we here? I have no idea. Why we stayed? Mechanical Bull.
To top the night off, I got a standing ovation after karaoking Gin and Juice at Stout. Subsequently, I decided it was time to go home and not return to midtown for several months. The brilliance of it all is that in the morning there is no cab ride, no walk of shame, and no regrets. All that remains is fond memories, perhaps a slight headache, and Ali persistently nagging for me to post about our day.
(To Ali: So there you have it, Miss. Warth. I finally got it posted. I had intentions of posting the pictures from our last all day date but I woke up too early and ran out of wit. Besides, this one beats drowning my purse and walking two miles to Rose's work in order to finger paint. Although, I'm still impressed with your Uncle Ben's knowledge. Next time, Red Lobster and the wax museum!)
Monday, August 22, 2011
An older sister helps one remain half child, half woman.
For those of you who don't know me, I have a very confusing family structure. I even tried to make a blog post explaining it but I couldn't figure out how to put a flow chart in blogspot.
Growing up not knowing whom is married to whom, why I have 4 parents and everyone else has 2, and an unexplained blonde step-cousin child should have been a lot more baffling. The most baffling part about the situation is that despite rampant amounts of dysfunction..we work. I would even dare to say we work better than the majority of families I grew up with. I use to phrase it as we put the "fun" in dysfunction until I realized that was lame.
That being said, it is never normal to have to have all 5 of your siblings sit down and tell your parents that they aren't allowed to get married again. Three times was enough. However, Cher's dad in clueless worded it best, "You divorce wives, not children." And even if my stepsister's dad and my mom are married, not married, dating, best friends, or whatever, we were sisters (off and on) for the majority of our lives and will continue to be for the remainder.
AND...Today happens to be Amanda's (4th) 27th BIRTHDAY!! In honor of her being such a badass, I've decided to dedicate a blogpost to 10 reasons why Amanda Rocks. Here we go:
1) Her Lifestyle
She's a little peach by the beach! My big sister happens to live in a cute little house right by the water in Neptune Beach, Florida. And when I'm having a rough time in my life (whether it be a break up, a bad haircut, I blew out a flip flop, or got too much anxiety in H&M) I am always welcome to hop aboard a flight and come spend the weekend riding around on beach cruisers, lounging around at a tiki bar, karaoking at dive bars, skinny dipping in the ocean at 4 AM, floating around on inner tubes with a polar cooler full of Miller Lites, and drinking crazy ass Nicole's Pina Coladas. It's the perfect way to heal a heartbreak or get rid of some major city-angst.
2) Love of Dive Bars
I have never met a girl in my life who has the balls to go into some of the places that Lil Boozi has gone into. Although, since my move to the North, I have not had the pleasure of joining in on the fun at such roadside attractions like Hart's Bar and Claxton City Limits, I did get to join in on the fun at the truckstop bar in Gainsville with the stripper pole contest, pool tables and huge sign out front that said "Ladies drink for free ALWAYS!"...They even let Sarah in without any shoes.
3) Her own vernacular
Besides the advent of the word "Beezi" to describe jagerbombs (which were a very big part of our lives circa 2008). Amanda has also coined such terms as "Lil Boozi" to describe herself, "Crazy Ass" to describe Nicole Habl, "Mini Bottle" to describe me, and "Schoochie" to describe things such as "get your ass to Florida" or "Time to go see UGA play"
4) KBBF!
In an effort to make friends, get some exercise, and find a group of people who consume more beezis than anyone I've ever met, Amanda joined a kickball league. From this came KBBF (kick ball boyfriend- real name Jaime Hennesey). Although they are still together 2 years later and living together, the name has stuck. Jaime comes in handy in such situations as hiccups (seen here giving me a lemon covered in sugar), keeping one abreast of what's going on in Jerseyliscious, and introducing me to my unforgettable lesbian crush in Westchester.
5) Reality Television
Amanda's DVR list is full of so much trashy television that on days in Florida where I am too sunburned to hit the beach and too hungover to hit the tiki bar, I can lay on the couch all day and not run out of things to rot my brain. We even went so far as to change her first name "Cheryl" to "Kheryl" so the we could join the Kardashian Klan!
6) Birthday Parties!
If there is one thing Amanda is good at, it's celebrating herself. Whether it consists of shotgunning beers, strawberries filled with Malibu and topped with whipped cream, cupcakes at jess and julies, shrimp and grits, or me convincing myself I got roofied at Gingers (see above picture) or that I broke my ankle while climbing a tree, Amanda's repeated 27th birthday parties are always a gas.
7) The advent of the 48 Hour Dress!
The 48 hour dress (n): cotton dress that can be worn all weekend at the beach. Serves as a swimsuit cover up, night gown, and is cute enough to be worn with flip flops to beach bars at night.
ex. When packing for the beach, one should include 48 hour dress, swimsuit, undies, toothbrush, and mascara.
8) Sarcasm
Although sometimes Amanda's humor is sarcastic to the point that you will not get it unless you are on her level, you always know you said/did something dumb when you get the face pictured above.
9) Never forgets her towel
In fact, you're life is made up of a million little fibers.
10) 5 was always better than 4
(to the tune of the Brady Bunch)
Here's the story of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up three very defiant children (and one angel).
All of them had brown hair with gray streaks, like their mother,
The youngest one gets drunk and likes girls.
Here's the story, of a man with webbed feet,
Who was busy with a spoiled rotten brat,
There was 2 of them, 3 including Mimi,
Yet they were all alone.
Till the one day when the lady met this fellow
And they knew it was much more than a hunch,
That this group would somehow form a family (multiple times).
That's the way we all became the Sancken/Webb Bunch.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIL' BOOZI!!
Growing up not knowing whom is married to whom, why I have 4 parents and everyone else has 2, and an unexplained blonde step-cousin child should have been a lot more baffling. The most baffling part about the situation is that despite rampant amounts of dysfunction..we work. I would even dare to say we work better than the majority of families I grew up with. I use to phrase it as we put the "fun" in dysfunction until I realized that was lame.
That being said, it is never normal to have to have all 5 of your siblings sit down and tell your parents that they aren't allowed to get married again. Three times was enough. However, Cher's dad in clueless worded it best, "You divorce wives, not children." And even if my stepsister's dad and my mom are married, not married, dating, best friends, or whatever, we were sisters (off and on) for the majority of our lives and will continue to be for the remainder.
AND...Today happens to be Amanda's (4th) 27th BIRTHDAY!! In honor of her being such a badass, I've decided to dedicate a blogpost to 10 reasons why Amanda Rocks. Here we go:
1) Her Lifestyle
She's a little peach by the beach! My big sister happens to live in a cute little house right by the water in Neptune Beach, Florida. And when I'm having a rough time in my life (whether it be a break up, a bad haircut, I blew out a flip flop, or got too much anxiety in H&M) I am always welcome to hop aboard a flight and come spend the weekend riding around on beach cruisers, lounging around at a tiki bar, karaoking at dive bars, skinny dipping in the ocean at 4 AM, floating around on inner tubes with a polar cooler full of Miller Lites, and drinking crazy ass Nicole's Pina Coladas. It's the perfect way to heal a heartbreak or get rid of some major city-angst.
2) Love of Dive Bars
I have never met a girl in my life who has the balls to go into some of the places that Lil Boozi has gone into. Although, since my move to the North, I have not had the pleasure of joining in on the fun at such roadside attractions like Hart's Bar and Claxton City Limits, I did get to join in on the fun at the truckstop bar in Gainsville with the stripper pole contest, pool tables and huge sign out front that said "Ladies drink for free ALWAYS!"...They even let Sarah in without any shoes.
3) Her own vernacular
Besides the advent of the word "Beezi" to describe jagerbombs (which were a very big part of our lives circa 2008). Amanda has also coined such terms as "Lil Boozi" to describe herself, "Crazy Ass" to describe Nicole Habl, "Mini Bottle" to describe me, and "Schoochie" to describe things such as "get your ass to Florida" or "Time to go see UGA play"
4) KBBF!
In an effort to make friends, get some exercise, and find a group of people who consume more beezis than anyone I've ever met, Amanda joined a kickball league. From this came KBBF (kick ball boyfriend- real name Jaime Hennesey). Although they are still together 2 years later and living together, the name has stuck. Jaime comes in handy in such situations as hiccups (seen here giving me a lemon covered in sugar), keeping one abreast of what's going on in Jerseyliscious, and introducing me to my unforgettable lesbian crush in Westchester.
5) Reality Television
Amanda's DVR list is full of so much trashy television that on days in Florida where I am too sunburned to hit the beach and too hungover to hit the tiki bar, I can lay on the couch all day and not run out of things to rot my brain. We even went so far as to change her first name "Cheryl" to "Kheryl" so the we could join the Kardashian Klan!
6) Birthday Parties!
If there is one thing Amanda is good at, it's celebrating herself. Whether it consists of shotgunning beers, strawberries filled with Malibu and topped with whipped cream, cupcakes at jess and julies, shrimp and grits, or me convincing myself I got roofied at Gingers (see above picture) or that I broke my ankle while climbing a tree, Amanda's repeated 27th birthday parties are always a gas.
7) The advent of the 48 Hour Dress!
The 48 hour dress (n): cotton dress that can be worn all weekend at the beach. Serves as a swimsuit cover up, night gown, and is cute enough to be worn with flip flops to beach bars at night.
ex. When packing for the beach, one should include 48 hour dress, swimsuit, undies, toothbrush, and mascara.
8) Sarcasm
Although sometimes Amanda's humor is sarcastic to the point that you will not get it unless you are on her level, you always know you said/did something dumb when you get the face pictured above.
9) Never forgets her towel
In fact, you're life is made up of a million little fibers.
10) 5 was always better than 4
(to the tune of the Brady Bunch)
Here's the story of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up three very defiant children (and one angel).
All of them had brown hair with gray streaks, like their mother,
The youngest one gets drunk and likes girls.
Here's the story, of a man with webbed feet,
Who was busy with a spoiled rotten brat,
There was 2 of them, 3 including Mimi,
Yet they were all alone.
Till the one day when the lady met this fellow
And they knew it was much more than a hunch,
That this group would somehow form a family (multiple times).
That's the way we all became the Sancken/Webb Bunch.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIL' BOOZI!!
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