“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” -Woody Allen

I've always said you go to Paris to fall in love and New York to fall in hate. But (although I hate to admit it) I moved here to find the former.

Maybe I've seen one too many Sex and the City episodes (also embarrassing to admit) or maybe I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's too many times (never embarrassing to admit) or maybe it's that I'm from Georgia and I should be married with 5 children and living in a trailer in Stapleton by now but one thing is certain...I've been on the prowl for the last year and a half.

It was cute when I first moved here. I would pretend plan my first New York date with a pretend Betsey Johnson dress and a pretend boat ride in Central Park with pretend bottles of Vueve Cliquot. However, as fate would have it, I believe my first date here involved Jameson shots at a shitty bar near Astor Place and karaoking Garth Brooks.

That being said, I am a bright girl and realize guys (for the most part) don't like to do bullshit like eat at chocolate bars and to go ride carousels. Therefore, in order for me to live my dream of having cutesy days doing stereotypical romantic things around New York I've come up with the best idea ever....GIRL DATES!!

Although I am not bisexual, my friends and sporadic visits from my sister give me the chance to live out my fairy tale fantasies without having to worry about awkward conversations, washing my hair or most importantly awkward-er mornings. Here is one of my quintessential Saturday dates with none other than the infamously relationship-challenged Ali Warth! (I'm totally joking. She's fantastic.)

First we start off with....

BRUNCH! If you have not read on WebMD or on any of the bar signs around New York that day drinking is both healthy and classy, then you, my friend, are in for a long and miserable life. Because Ali lives in the Upper East Side (note: I did not say Spanish Harlem) and I live in the Lower East Side (Note: I did not say the heart of China town) we usually  meet in Midtown (Note: I did not say Hell) for brunch. Although Midtown is inherently awful, we still have one hell of a time.

Next, on to explore a different borough! We are both Manhattan snobs but decided this particular Sunday was a day for Queens so on to the R train and Museum of the Moving Image! Here are some pictures of us playing with exciting interactive toys like trash mirrors and other things I don't understand because they're too technical!

Suddenly, we stumble upon some sort of gimicky Egyptian Tomb Fun House which we have deemed the scariest thing we've discovered in New York City apart from the bathroom's at BillyMark's West!

Note: I look skinny here.

Note: Ali looks a little too happy to be seeing a dead body.

Note: One of these things is not like the other.

And for the real reason we came here. The Jim Henson exhibition. And if you take one bit of advice from the blogging of a very wise almost 25 year old, It's not easy being peach.

After this we head to the Astoria Beer Garden. Alas, I do not have any pictures to capture the trials and tribulations we faced on our walk through Astoria. However, I can try to convey our tale through words:

We ate perogis and drank a pitcher of beer. Ali smoked cigarettes and I left my debit card.

Next, Back to Manhattan for the 10th anniversary at Johnny Utah's in Midtown with April and Meret. Why were we here? I have no idea. Why we stayed? Mechanical Bull.

Oh, and there was swag to go around. Jagermeister Ray Bans and Heineken Headphones? YES PLEASE!

To top the night off, I got a standing ovation after karaoking Gin and Juice at Stout. Subsequently, I decided it was time to go home and not return to midtown for several months. The brilliance of it all is that in the morning there is no cab ride, no walk of shame, and no regrets. All that remains is fond memories, perhaps a slight headache, and Ali persistently nagging for me to post about our day.

(To Ali: So there you have it, Miss. Warth. I finally got it posted. I had intentions of posting the pictures from our last all day date but I woke up too early and ran out of wit. Besides, this one beats drowning my purse and walking two miles to Rose's work in order to finger paint. Although, I'm still impressed with your Uncle Ben's knowledge. Next time, Red Lobster and the wax museum!)